i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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