Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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