I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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