do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize