If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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