we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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