Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
