Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
