hotel room ftw
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
