literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
