So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
