i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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