Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I want is dick and wine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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