So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
