She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
