Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize