If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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