So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
