I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
