He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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