I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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