there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
