Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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