Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
