got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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