its not stalking. its research.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
