I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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