as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
