oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
