okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize