9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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