I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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