I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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