I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
