Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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