I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
