sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A+ Viking dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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