i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
