i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
