my sisters under your porch take her home
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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