I want to make a zoo with you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
