He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
