Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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