oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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