I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
