Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
