My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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