Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
