i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
