I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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