we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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