my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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