oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Randomize
