Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
