her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
