fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
