1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
