her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
