What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
