you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
soo... how was my night?
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