Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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