Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
