How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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