I puked a lego.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
