you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
