Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
