Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
