So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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