I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize