WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
