Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
