my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
