the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This baby is an asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
