Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
