North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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