shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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