is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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