my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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