This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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