Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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