At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
