There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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