Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
