im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
