im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
