I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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