Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
