Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
