You're so nebulous sometimes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
