Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
