I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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