Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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