I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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