Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
