She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
