i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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