Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
