Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
