once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
