ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
