Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
