North Korea, Best Korea!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
