first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
