Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
