he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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