It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
