Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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