im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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