I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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